Dato' Shah Rukh Khan

Gosh...not a day goes by without me having this thought in my mind: "I gotta write about this in my blog!".....before I knew it the list of "I gotta write this" becomes so long...I wanted to write about:


1. Alyssa's smart-*ss comebacks
2. Amirul's progress (follow up from lasy year entry on introvert child)
3. My new job
4. My expererience watching theater at Singapore Esplanade
5. My Raya experience in Singapore
6. My puasa experience in Singapore
7. Singapore being in top 10 on International Transperancy Index
8. 40 things I want to do before I reach 40 (got 6 more years to go)
9. Upload my recording of me playing Linkin Park's songs on piano (self taught)
10. Shak Rukh Khan dapat Dato'


If my blog have any fans, I would ask them to vote which entry they want me to write first. But since I do not, then I will choose according to my own priority.... Shah Rukh Khan, it is then.


"WHAT? Are you pulling my leg?" That was my initial reaction when the news hit me. Every now and then, Malaysian politicians never seem to fail to amaze me how ridiculously stupid can they be. Reminded me of my 'smart-*ss' remark to my Mom when she asked my son Amirul to grow up to be a Minister. I said "Then what is he supposed to do with the other half of his brain then?". ;-p


Yesterday they printed the news on Singapore Today's newspaper; so it is not a joke...soon he will be Dato' Shah Rukh Khan. To all Shah Rukh's fans (my mom being no. 1 on the list), I am not anti-Shah Rukh Khan. I have nothing against him and I do think he is a great actor, eventhough I have only watched 2 of his movies (itu pun terpaksa since dalam pantang duduk ngan Mak). But being knighted is a big deal and one has to truly deserve to earn that title (okay...maybe the word 'earn' is too much since we all know majority of the existing Dato' never did earn it). How I wish to have an open debate about this with the 'genius' who suggested/approved his knighthood. Below would be our debate points, if it ever to take place:



Me: Enlighthen me, please for my cranium fail to synthesize this recent announcement, why do you think a foreigner like Shah Rukh Khan deserve a Datukship?


Genius: err...okay what.... Not the first time a foreigner got Dato'....


Me: I agree...though it still puzzles me why until now M.Nasir has yet to be one despite all he's done for our music industry. Nevermind, let's stick to Bollywood for now. What specific contribution has Shah Rukh Khan done to deserve this title?

Genius: What a stupid question. You don't know ar he is very famous? A lot of people watching him..I know this coz my Datin has all of his DVDs. Also during Raya 2002, all TV stations play only hindi movies. When he comes here for concert, DPM wife also invite him to her home. Famous tau! In his film...apa nama...One 2 Ka 4 ...or was it, One 2 go Carrefour...I dah lupa, tapi they shot in Melaka. People see Melaka nice, come here..boost our tourism. His movies are seen by people all over the world and this is cost-free advertisement for us.


Me: May I know, how many percent of the film you've mentioned was shot in Melaka? the entire film? Was the story plot involves Melaka's history? You have to pardon me since I don't make it a habit to waste my life watching movies that will diminish my IQ.


Genius: Tak pernah tengok ka? rugi....Juhi Chawla seksi wooo....


Me: Excuse me...back to my stupid question, please?


Genius: (drooling) oh ya...eh! lupa...I also donno how many shot taken in Melaka, but as I said, Juhi Chawla so seksi..


Me: Very well, I get your (pointless) point. Moving on, do you have the statistics of how much boost did Melaka receive after the screening of One 2 Ka 4? How many percent of that boost comes from tourists from India? How much was their spending in Melaka?


Genius: why...you...why you like numbers so much? No need statistics, no need percentage...I went that day, I saw a lot of Indian tourists, you know. You don't believe me, you go lah...


Me: okayyy....how do you know they are not local Malaysian Indian?


Genius: Same also what? Indian also kan? (beginning to get irritated with the questions)..ada apa lagi nak tanya?


Me: Okay, one final question. If I were to play along with your judgement and buy the points of tourism boost and all, why then only award Shah Rukh Khan. Why not the director, or the producer..after all they were the ones funded the film, hence the advertisement of Melaka. Or what about they guy who choose Melaka? I am pretty sure Shah Rukh didn't insist the set to be in Melaka. I fail to see why he deserve it, after all he did get paid to act and lip-sync in the movie. It's not like he did the movie for free...


Genius: Err..apa yg hang merepek nih? tak paham lah. Director, Producer...depa tak famous. Awat nak bagi depa pulak?


Me: I guess we just have to agree to disagree then. Very well...thank you so much for your time.


Genius: okay...I gotta go,...it's 3:30pm...hindi movie is starting after Berita Terkini on TV3...eh! jom lah join I sekali! Ada Juhi Chawla tau!

Me: Tak pe Dato'. Terima Kasih. Saya kena pergi ambik wuduk, nak sembahyang hajat...for the sake of our children's future. Lepas tu nak tengok citer P.Ramlee...nak dengar balik tang dia kata "Kecik2 tak nak m*mp*s, dah besar menyusahkan orang"...bye.

2008 Raya & Ramadhan: Part 1

This is a long overdued entry. Thanks Kak Eida, for reminding me to update this blog, really occupied with work lately.

We went back to Msia for 6 days to celebrate Aidilfitri. We had such a great time. I had such a great learning too (more on this later). We spent 3 days at each side (mine & in-laws). On my side, we went to Kampung Ulu Dong, to visit my paternal grandparents. They are both over 80 years old. I have a sweet spot for Ulu Dong, since I grew up there. It's a pity I can only go back once a year and for a short while. How I wish I could spend a lot more time and do all the fun things back then like climbing up trees and jump into the river below, playing konda-kondi or riding honda cup bike around the village. ahhh...the good old days where we didn't need a PSP to feel the time flies by.. (Shot of Alyssa and her cousins Ika & Ayuni in front of ATuk & Wan's house in Ulu Dong)

From the left

(Last Row: Safiruz (younger bro), Azmir (hubby), Daniel (youngest bro), Anaz (younger bro), Along Rudin (Eldest bro).)

(Sitting: Ogy (Safiruz's wife) with Sofi on her lap, me, Abah, Mak, Gee (Along's wife) with Iman on her lap.

(Sitting infront: Amirul, Alyssa, Ayuni (Along's eldest) & Ika (Safiruz's eldest).

On the way to Ulu Dong, we stopped by a small town Raub. It's very much still the same since I last see it. Abah wishes to have our entire family portrait considering the last we had was when he had only Amirul as grandchild. Now he has 6 grandchildren! Anybody knows my Abah wouldn't be surprised since photography is his thing. Our home at Karak looks more like a museum with none of the walls is free of photos of us.

If any lessons are to be learned from, during this aidilfitri, then I would have to cite the visit to Ulu Dong tops my list. Wan (my paternal grandmother) is 81 years old. She is suffering from alzheimer, hence have only minimal percent of her CPU memory can be used. She can't even remember her children's names. Nonetheless she was extremely happy having many people around. She decided to follow us home, and packed her clothings, 2 big tumblers, a pair of sunglasses, in a wrapped up batik sarongs. We just let her do as she wishes since she is not herself anymore. Whatever makes her happy.

We brought Wan home for that 1 hour journey from Ulu Dong to Karak. After dinner, we all prop out our sleeping gears in the living room, with my dad taking a spot right next to her. After dinner, Abah entertained his mom reminiscing old time. I almost cry hearing their hardship during Abah's childhood days. At the end of every month, they had to walk to the nearest small town of Dong, which is at least 15 miles of walk, to get Atuk's monthly salary (he was a teacher) and to buy groceries. Atuk (my grand dad) had to carry 2 boys aged 8 & 6 (my dad and his younger bro) who sits in sarongs attached to ends of bamboo which he single handedly carried to Dong. Wan had to carry 3 year old De (my uncle). There were no tarred road, only small pathway along the river. They were constantly on the alert since the entire family's was at risk - there was no way they could survive any attact from elephants, tiger or even a snake. Abah told this story back to his mom, with a small hope it might help jogs back her old memory. To my surprise, Wan remembers the day quite vividly. I sensed a sad tone when Abah replied to all my ridiculous questions like "goodness! you guys actually WALKED that far? WHY?" or "Weren't you afraid?" or "man! I cannot imagine doing that!".

Abah felt asleep next to his mom, caressing her wrinkled, worn out hands. Hands which survived hardship raising 8 children. The same hands now caressing him with the same gentleness, only difference is she doesn't know they are my dad's. I could see it in her eyes, how confuse Wan is. To Wan, Abah is just a stranger, who some how share the same good old memory with her. A stranger who is so kind to take her into his shelter and make jokes to lighten her heart. A stranger who is so familiar yet she can't make out his name quite yet.

Looking at how Abah entertains her mom that nite, makes her laugh and show her love & warmth..I was overwhlemed with both pride & sadness. I pray silently for the same strength to do the same when it's my time to take care of him when he needs my cheering up the most. InsyaAllah.

SOUNDTRACK: Shila's Survival Guidein Singapore

How can I sum up my experiences working in Singapore, in a way that would make people understand? I could write all bits and pieces, but it'll end up as thick as any Tolkien's books, with chapter 13:Office Politics being the thickest and most moist (with my saliva from all my curses and swearing).

Maybe a string of songs which have accompanied me in my journey on this materialist, soulless island could do a better job at describing my state of mind. Just like a soundtrack of a movie, the selected songs are supposed to 'bring home' the message of a particular part of a story. Okay, I'll do just that then...my very own Soundtrack (atau runut bunyi bak kata orang Pahang), with bonus of "Books which helped me along the way".

p/s: For the record, Singapore is not the first out of Malaysia country I work in. I have worked in US & Germany before. Author's reminder to readers to avoid the conclusion of such a 'katak bawah tempurung" I am.

The first 3 months:

Soundtrack: Michael Buble 'Home' / Readings: 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey

I played this song on my laptop (with earphones on) almost everyday at work, until my 'understanding & supportive' boss told me to stop listening to music at work. "You are creating boundaries with others," was her lame excuse. The chorus "Let me go home....." strikes a raw nerve...I have missed my friends & family...people who give a damn about other people. Slowly I told myself...."It's just a matter of time...you'll get over this.."

The 2nd quarter :

Soundtrack: Dave Matthews Band "Sing Along' / Readings: The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey

By this time, it puzzled me how other fellow Penangites were able to survive here. Slowly I can clearly see the unspoken rules of the game in order to get along with the majority. In short, if at all I want to make it, I need to do all of these:

1. accept total command & control. whoever is higher than you in ranking, has an automatic higher decree of truth in his/her speech, so much so that even to question it (even out of need to understand) is considered as insubordination.

2. accept the fact that I must be able to control my brain not to get too creative because 'things are different here. It just won't work".

3. accept that it is a norm to be talking bad about a fellow colleague who is not present during lunch or even at formal meeting. When the person turns up, do not attempt to confront him/her for the real truth. Act friendly.

4. Doing the right thing is secondary to your personal gain (saving own face is included as personal gain).

5. Before agreeing to do any job, the first question one should ask is "what's in it for me?" and "how much additional job are we talking exactly?". If the answers to the above questions are "Nothing, besides your regular pay" and "A lot" respectively...then it's your obligation to your own self to act dumb and shut up, so that no one will nominate you to take up the job.

6. Any problem, especially interpersonal related are not to be confronted openly in order to be resolved. Let it fester, Remain friendly and say nice things to the people you don't like when in front of them, but act completely differently in their absence.

7. If 'great sense of accountability' is included in the annual performance rating, then the company would save millions from having to pay salary increament. A skill called 'dodging' accountability at all cost (you can by find a scapegoat, creating rumors to embellish one's reputation, back stabbing, manipulation) is an absolute must have. Nothing is considered disgraceful as long as you won't get the blame or own up and say "I'm sorry, I screwed up."

8. Being proactive can back fire. So just remain reactive. Why fix if it ain't broken?

9. Surface value is utmost important. Doesn't matter if you produce sub-standard work, as long as people ( a bonus if it's your boss) noticed you to be the earliest in the office, or latest to leave for home. If you can't do this, then you need to log on at wee hours in the morning to send un-urgent email. It doesn't matter if you have only $2 in your purse, and string of heavily used credit cards as long as they are in either LV, Coach or Burberry purse or handbag.

10. It is entirely acceptable to say completely opposite views from the ones you truly believe in, depending on the audience. You are allowed (or even expected) to sway your view towards the ones you have high investment in, be it the highest ranking person (for the fear of insubordination) or your direct boss (for he/she has your increment in his/her hands) or your lunch mate (they might talk bad about you when you're not around, or worst ditch you from the lunch group). Bottom line is : Do not risk ANYTHING over the truth.

For weeks, I went thru all the lists, and wonder which one, if not all I can accept and live with. When I felt sick in the stomach and my soul was strangling me from within to knock some sense out of me, I decided not to accept even one, and remain true to my self and the principles I believe in. I choose to take the road less travelled. Which I soon learned was a bad decision, but nonetheless I am happy I still have my soul as my best friend.

The 3rd quarter:

Soundtrack: Linkin Park 'Given Up' / Readings : How To Deal With People You Can't Stand

To be honest, I learned this song from my hubby. I stumbled upon it by accident on his ipod. I cried bad when I first hear it (yes Linkin Park song CAN make you cry). I could feel my husband's suffering at work from the lyrics. And the combined guilt and helplessness I feel for uprooting the family to come here, consumed me like fire on dead leaves.

The 4rth quarter: (the present)

Soundtrack: Linkin Park "From The Inside" / Readings : Don't Be Sad by Sheikh al-Qadni

I found this song today. And it's rather timely too since I was looking for my last words to my boss and fellow co-workers, on the day I call my personal 'Merdeka' September 29th 2008. It will be the day I'll celebrate my 34 years on earth, and I will have the greatest birthday gift ever: They have approved my request to transfer to another department...as a transition before my next, exciting, very intriguing, fulfilling assignment: Helping my fellow Penangites at home!

It's Only Words

Despite being technically trained, I have always have the fancy for words & language. I should've been a Linguist or Speech Therapist. Oh well, next life maybe. In the mean time, I'd just fulfill my long lost dream with this blog and some other writing forms.

My brother just saw they put my book on Ebay for RM4.00!!! Okay, that's an exaggeration for sure....not MY book, but I contributed to the book. My poem was chosen to win a Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka contest back in 1991 and they have compiled it in a book. But it felt good to have selected, even though the royalty from the book selling was minuscule.

One my favorite Poet, Mufti Perlis Dr. Muhammad Asri bin Zainal Abidin wrote a nice poem in response ( I presume) to the recent Permatang Pauh by-election. Titled "Looking For a Replacement", this candid, straight to the point poem has a very poignant conclusion which I loved so very much; "Let's find a replacement with a high character. Let's not replace a thief with a robber". Ouch! That's gotta hurt!.

Wise words help me heal, think and learn. I think I will dedicate a special folder in this blog of mine, to share all the poems & songs lyrics that have helped me in my life in their unique way. These poems will be included in my "Things I Left Behind For My Children" list, along with my books. May be a tad of bad news for them for the list contains no house, no land or any money. Just my favorites 'must-read' books & poems. Just words, my dear children...to help strengthen your inner self on your daily walks towards Him.

Ticked by Office Politics

Three....is a nice number. But not so nice when it's equal to the total number of REAL FRIENDS I have made so far during my 11 months in Singapore.

My back hurt pretty bad today, when I touched it, it bleeds. I have been stabbed in the back (though not literally, it still hurts nonetheless) for the umpteenth time, by my fellow co-workers. I refused to use to word colleagues to define them, since by definition of Thesaurus.com, "colleagues" means:

Synonyms:
aide, ally, assistant, associate, buddy, cohort, compatriot, confrere, consort, crony, partner, teammate
Roget's II: The New Thesaurus
Main Entry:
associate
Definition:
One who is united in a relationship with another.
Synonyms:
affiliate, ally, cohort, confederate, copartner, fellow, partner

From the above synonym list: aide, ally, buddy, cohort, partner, teammate, fellow....all are OVERSTATEMENT which should not be used to describe majority of people I am currently working with.

Yes...you've guessed it. I am pissed. In fact, I am wayyyy beyond pissed.

I won't smear my blog or this holy month of Ramadan by describing in details their despicable schemes, which I have never encountered before in my 11 years of career. By the end of this year, I figure I should be able to write a book titled "Office Politics and the Cowards it Produced".

To survive my 10 hours in the office yesterday was almost unbearable. Maybe Ramadan helps to heighten my patience limit, or I am just too hungry to give them a piece of my mind ... either way they are lucky. I spent the whole night reading one of my favorite remedies, which is helpful at trying time like this; "Don't Be Sad" By Sheikh 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al Qarni. In the chapter "How to deal with bitter criticism", the wise Sheikh wrote this potent advice:

"Those who are ignorant have curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be you lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result IS exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words, and let them have influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

Say: Perish in your rage. (Qur'an 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their own rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents. I you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."

I savour each word, just like I did the delicious fried rice my maid prepared for iftar just now. I cried after every sentence (though this is not the first time I'm reading this book), embarrassed at my own stupidity for allowing them to piss me off. He makes so much sense, that I feel very much better now. Thank you Sheikh, may Allah rewards you with your kind work.

and Alhamdulillah, praise to you my Lord, for your Kindness

and to those whom I wrote about in this entry, Thank you for the experience. I have never imagined human can be so low.

Pro-Anwar, Anti-Anwar , Atas Pagar...

The people have spoken...YET AGAIN, to deaf ears.....

This piece is especially dedicated to those more than 30,000 people of Permatang Pauh who have the balls to speak up against the ridicule we have been living under for so long. Thank you, kindly....and Kudos! for it's not easy to shift one's paradigm and to see the unseen.

Also Thank you for each one who made time to be there, how I wish I could join the electrifyingly historic moment of the true 'MERDEKA'.

Since the nomination day, I have engaged in quite a number of interesting conversations, from Pro-Anwar camp, Anti-Anwar camp, and the atas-pagar camp. Below some snippets of the points exchanged, and my two cents comeback:

Anti Anwar Camp:

"Kalau betul dia tak buat (liwat), kenapa takut nak sumpah atas Quran?" ("If he (Anwar) is truly innocent (of sodomy allegation), why is he afraid to swear on the Quran?"

My 2 cents (in Sing dollar, mind you...;-p):

Let's do a scenario planning...say that if Anwar choose to stoop as low and make a mockery out of our Holy Book (which I am so glad he didn't), we ended having 2 guys swearing on the same holy book, asserting two opposite stands. Then what? What conclusion can we derive from this disrespectful acts?

"Pas tu, kenapa tak bagi DNA sample? Kenapa takut?" ("Then, how about DNA sample? Why afraid to give one?"

My 2 cents:

Why do they need fresh sample, when they can used the one they already had from last 10 years? They want to spray them on new mattress now?

Atas Pagar Camp (On the Fence Camp):

" Alah....sama je sume. Belum dapat kuasa, macam tu lah. Bila dah menang nanti gila kuasa jugak!" ("They are all the same! Yet to be in power, can say lots of things. Once win, will go power crazy as well!)

My 2 cents:

That is possible, but what have we got to loose? If in the end, Anwar turns out to be a culprit too, we will be back to the same power crazy government.... then we are not worse off than we are now, wont we? But if we dont give him the chance, we'll never find out, and we will forever be in the state of Not-Merdeka. From my perspective, we have nothing to loose, but everything to gain, if Anwar is all what he is hyped up to be.

"Initially I was in awe with Anwar. But lately he has turned this into a personal war of him against the government. It's no longer about the rakyat, it's about his personal struggle"

My 2 cents:

If somebody were to accuse me of similarly hideous act, brought ultimate shame to my spouse, children & parents, stripped me off my dignity by examining my "exhaust pipe" (excuse my French), intimidating my friends, threathening my security....I'll be a mad man if I don't take it personally. To struggle against such personal injustice, in turn will also be a struggle for the rakyat. It shows that if a public figure can be treated as such, one can only imagine if it were to happen to us, the rakyat.

Enough said....quoting the ever funny guy, Nabil.."Engko pikir lah sendiri!" (Go and think for your self lah!)

WHAT A MESS!

Minutes after my last entry on Anwar's debate...I was slapped with the news of DSAI's arrest. What is happening in Malaysia? 

Ya Allah! kurniakan kekuatan kepada mereka yg benar, yang tulus membela nasib yang tertindas. Tunjukkan kami kebenaran yang sejati.  Jangan butakan mata hati kami, jangan tulikan deria kami, tolong pedulikan kami, ya Allah. Hanya Engkau empunya kuasa menghentikan semua.

At this moment, I honestly feel compelled to join this struggle, no matter how small I could help. We all had enough of this fiasco. But I know the decision to do so will not be blessed by my parents. And there won't be any success, without the blessings of parents'. For this reason, I will fight silently with my prayers...for the time being.