SOUNDTRACK: Shila's Survival Guidein Singapore

How can I sum up my experiences working in Singapore, in a way that would make people understand? I could write all bits and pieces, but it'll end up as thick as any Tolkien's books, with chapter 13:Office Politics being the thickest and most moist (with my saliva from all my curses and swearing).

Maybe a string of songs which have accompanied me in my journey on this materialist, soulless island could do a better job at describing my state of mind. Just like a soundtrack of a movie, the selected songs are supposed to 'bring home' the message of a particular part of a story. Okay, I'll do just that then...my very own Soundtrack (atau runut bunyi bak kata orang Pahang), with bonus of "Books which helped me along the way".

p/s: For the record, Singapore is not the first out of Malaysia country I work in. I have worked in US & Germany before. Author's reminder to readers to avoid the conclusion of such a 'katak bawah tempurung" I am.

The first 3 months:

Soundtrack: Michael Buble 'Home' / Readings: 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey

I played this song on my laptop (with earphones on) almost everyday at work, until my 'understanding & supportive' boss told me to stop listening to music at work. "You are creating boundaries with others," was her lame excuse. The chorus "Let me go home....." strikes a raw nerve...I have missed my friends & family...people who give a damn about other people. Slowly I told myself...."It's just a matter of time...you'll get over this.."

The 2nd quarter :

Soundtrack: Dave Matthews Band "Sing Along' / Readings: The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey

By this time, it puzzled me how other fellow Penangites were able to survive here. Slowly I can clearly see the unspoken rules of the game in order to get along with the majority. In short, if at all I want to make it, I need to do all of these:

1. accept total command & control. whoever is higher than you in ranking, has an automatic higher decree of truth in his/her speech, so much so that even to question it (even out of need to understand) is considered as insubordination.

2. accept the fact that I must be able to control my brain not to get too creative because 'things are different here. It just won't work".

3. accept that it is a norm to be talking bad about a fellow colleague who is not present during lunch or even at formal meeting. When the person turns up, do not attempt to confront him/her for the real truth. Act friendly.

4. Doing the right thing is secondary to your personal gain (saving own face is included as personal gain).

5. Before agreeing to do any job, the first question one should ask is "what's in it for me?" and "how much additional job are we talking exactly?". If the answers to the above questions are "Nothing, besides your regular pay" and "A lot" respectively...then it's your obligation to your own self to act dumb and shut up, so that no one will nominate you to take up the job.

6. Any problem, especially interpersonal related are not to be confronted openly in order to be resolved. Let it fester, Remain friendly and say nice things to the people you don't like when in front of them, but act completely differently in their absence.

7. If 'great sense of accountability' is included in the annual performance rating, then the company would save millions from having to pay salary increament. A skill called 'dodging' accountability at all cost (you can by find a scapegoat, creating rumors to embellish one's reputation, back stabbing, manipulation) is an absolute must have. Nothing is considered disgraceful as long as you won't get the blame or own up and say "I'm sorry, I screwed up."

8. Being proactive can back fire. So just remain reactive. Why fix if it ain't broken?

9. Surface value is utmost important. Doesn't matter if you produce sub-standard work, as long as people ( a bonus if it's your boss) noticed you to be the earliest in the office, or latest to leave for home. If you can't do this, then you need to log on at wee hours in the morning to send un-urgent email. It doesn't matter if you have only $2 in your purse, and string of heavily used credit cards as long as they are in either LV, Coach or Burberry purse or handbag.

10. It is entirely acceptable to say completely opposite views from the ones you truly believe in, depending on the audience. You are allowed (or even expected) to sway your view towards the ones you have high investment in, be it the highest ranking person (for the fear of insubordination) or your direct boss (for he/she has your increment in his/her hands) or your lunch mate (they might talk bad about you when you're not around, or worst ditch you from the lunch group). Bottom line is : Do not risk ANYTHING over the truth.

For weeks, I went thru all the lists, and wonder which one, if not all I can accept and live with. When I felt sick in the stomach and my soul was strangling me from within to knock some sense out of me, I decided not to accept even one, and remain true to my self and the principles I believe in. I choose to take the road less travelled. Which I soon learned was a bad decision, but nonetheless I am happy I still have my soul as my best friend.

The 3rd quarter:

Soundtrack: Linkin Park 'Given Up' / Readings : How To Deal With People You Can't Stand

To be honest, I learned this song from my hubby. I stumbled upon it by accident on his ipod. I cried bad when I first hear it (yes Linkin Park song CAN make you cry). I could feel my husband's suffering at work from the lyrics. And the combined guilt and helplessness I feel for uprooting the family to come here, consumed me like fire on dead leaves.

The 4rth quarter: (the present)

Soundtrack: Linkin Park "From The Inside" / Readings : Don't Be Sad by Sheikh al-Qadni

I found this song today. And it's rather timely too since I was looking for my last words to my boss and fellow co-workers, on the day I call my personal 'Merdeka' September 29th 2008. It will be the day I'll celebrate my 34 years on earth, and I will have the greatest birthday gift ever: They have approved my request to transfer to another department...as a transition before my next, exciting, very intriguing, fulfilling assignment: Helping my fellow Penangites at home!

Ticked by Office Politics

Three....is a nice number. But not so nice when it's equal to the total number of REAL FRIENDS I have made so far during my 11 months in Singapore.

My back hurt pretty bad today, when I touched it, it bleeds. I have been stabbed in the back (though not literally, it still hurts nonetheless) for the umpteenth time, by my fellow co-workers. I refused to use to word colleagues to define them, since by definition of Thesaurus.com, "colleagues" means:

Synonyms:
aide, ally, assistant, associate, buddy, cohort, compatriot, confrere, consort, crony, partner, teammate
Roget's II: The New Thesaurus
Main Entry:
associate
Definition:
One who is united in a relationship with another.
Synonyms:
affiliate, ally, cohort, confederate, copartner, fellow, partner

From the above synonym list: aide, ally, buddy, cohort, partner, teammate, fellow....all are OVERSTATEMENT which should not be used to describe majority of people I am currently working with.

Yes...you've guessed it. I am pissed. In fact, I am wayyyy beyond pissed.

I won't smear my blog or this holy month of Ramadan by describing in details their despicable schemes, which I have never encountered before in my 11 years of career. By the end of this year, I figure I should be able to write a book titled "Office Politics and the Cowards it Produced".

To survive my 10 hours in the office yesterday was almost unbearable. Maybe Ramadan helps to heighten my patience limit, or I am just too hungry to give them a piece of my mind ... either way they are lucky. I spent the whole night reading one of my favorite remedies, which is helpful at trying time like this; "Don't Be Sad" By Sheikh 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al Qarni. In the chapter "How to deal with bitter criticism", the wise Sheikh wrote this potent advice:

"Those who are ignorant have curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be you lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result IS exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words, and let them have influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

Say: Perish in your rage. (Qur'an 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their own rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents. I you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."

I savour each word, just like I did the delicious fried rice my maid prepared for iftar just now. I cried after every sentence (though this is not the first time I'm reading this book), embarrassed at my own stupidity for allowing them to piss me off. He makes so much sense, that I feel very much better now. Thank you Sheikh, may Allah rewards you with your kind work.

and Alhamdulillah, praise to you my Lord, for your Kindness

and to those whom I wrote about in this entry, Thank you for the experience. I have never imagined human can be so low.

My song for Singapore

Just now a dear friend wrote an email to ask how are we are doing in Spore....struggling to not be my normal always candid, brutally honest gal in order to look for positive in all things, this was what I came up with:

- Amirul loves his school; rates it 9 out of 10; compared to SK Bayan Baru 4 out of 10.
- Alyssa loces the park here...so beautiful and clean
- Azmir hates his job...he knows how to curse in Tagalog now, so he is learning sth new after all....hehehhe
- Me....Need to spend my lunch at the nearby park, to gather my inner strength. Otherwise by the next morning police would be in the office investigating bodies found strangled by a scarf.

People told me it'd take about 6 months to get used to things in new place...well, I think I need slightly longer than that. I love the song by Dave Matthew below, the lyrics describe how I have been feeling since we moved here. By the way, Blue Men Group is one of my favorites...wish get a chance to watch their awesome show again someday.

"Sing Along" - Dave Matthews Band with Blue Man Group

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

If I tell you I'm strong, will you play along?

If I tell you I'm strong, will you play along?

If I tell you I'm strong, will you play along?

Or will you see I'm as insecure as anybody else?

If I follow along, does it mean I belong?

If I follow along, does it mean I belong?

If I follow along, does it mean I belong?

Or will I keep on feeling different from everybody else?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

What I DON'T miss about home

*sigh*....it's been a while since I wrote here, and I miss it. Lots of thoughts went thru my mind, and I very much like to share them here, but work schedule has made it almost impossible. Today, being Monday, and being the one of 3 left in the office since the rests went on either mc or emergency leave, I don't feel guilty to taking 10 minutes off my lunch break to update my blog.

Today, I wanna share, about what I don't miss about home (Malaysia) now that I have spent 8 months, 6 days, 13 hours, 15 min here in Singapore.

1) Paranoia of walking down the street

A friend recently fwded a video clip from a CCTV in Sungai Petani's gas station. It shows of how a woman became a scary snatch thief victim. It was in the broad daylight, and she was surrounded by at least 2 workers of the gas station. Yet, the thing happened rather easily and it was a good thing she didn't get hurt. I often work late here, at times going home nearly midnite. I feel (almost) completely safe, never had to think twice about boarding a taxi home. Of course low crime doesn't mean no crime. But I have don't that paranoid feeling creeping up my neck everytime a motorbike passes by. I don't have to hold my breath to make sure the taxi driver don't take a short cut through some secluded area. This kind of peace of mind is a luxury to most Malaysian women.

2) Frustration with the (often awfully slow) system

Amazingly, the infrastructure here are equipped with top class system. The public transport is very reliable and efficient. In fact I enjoy taking the bus ride to work (that's when I get to catch up with my books). I can't imagine doing the same back home, waiting for bus who would come and go as the driver pleases, inhaling CO2 at the bus stop while holding tight to my handbag & laptop, eyeing every 'strange looking person' hoping he is not a snatch thief or a serial rapist, squeezing myself into the corner of the bus to stay away from opportunist perverts who would 'accidentally' rub his private parts under the excuse of a cramped bus....the list goes on and on....and to the ladies out there who have taken a public bus in KL before , you know I am not exaggerating.

3) "Wonderful" Bollywood tales of Malaysia politics

I am disgusted and insulted beyond belief of what's going on with Msia politics today. Do they really think we are THAT STUPID to believe all the nonsense stories? Don't they at least watch CSI to get some clues as to how to frame a guy? At least come up with a credible story & 'actor' to back the allegations. This whole thing only confirms my theory how 'brainless' these people are. I can only pray that soon, (like in next few week time frame kinda 'soon') the REAL truth will come out...a friend once told me "What we know is like the sand in our hand, and what God the almighty knows is like the water in the ocean". Indeed, only Allah knows all.

4) Hopelessness with Justice

My colleague (a Singaporean PR) shared a painful experience while in Kuantan last weekend for a vacation. Unfortunate for her, she was involved in an accident. So she had a first hand experience with the efficiencies of our police system. Right from the RM30 'tips' for the Sargeant, to the unexplained phenomena of how the story turn 180 degree for her (my guess is the other guy paid a whole lot more than RM30). I completely understand the feeling, since I was once involved in an accident too and the Sargeant extorted me for 'tips'. I bluntly told him "mati hidup balik pun, saya takkan bagi walau 5 sen!" (translate: even if I return from my death, I would not give you even 5 cent of bribery). Simply because it's against my principle and I am more afraid to answer to Him in the hearafter about getting myself involved in bribery, than to the sargeant's mock threat. And to be honest, after all the 'integrity' campaign launched in recent years, I am surprised they are still so daringly ask for bribe from my friend. I guess there was a typo in the motto of that campaign. "Saya anti rasuah (I am anti bribery)" is missing the letter 'N" as it should have said "Saya Nanti rasuah (I am waiting for bribery)".

Despite all these though, I am very much homesick, mainly for my family, my friends & the food. Dorothy is right, indeed there is no place like home.

East Cost Park

This would be our second trip to the EC (East Cost). I absolutely love the place, miles of white sandy beach dotted with shaddy trees. Families strolling by on bicycles, inline skates or simply by walking. Though located just right off the main highway, one cannot really hear any traffic....and it's litter free too!

This time we went with 2 other families; Azmir colleagues. They have school going children as well so it's good for the kids. It's about time they make new friends here. Siti (my helper) and myself prepared Nasi Lemak daun pisang (a definite luxury since banana leaf is so expensive here) and some BBQ marinated prawns & squids. The others brought BBQ chicken, fried beehoon, garlic bread & potatoes. Seem to be too much food at first, but since we were there almost the whole day (10:00am till 7:oopm); we managed to finished almost all our ration.

What can one do for an entire day by the beach? Well, we BBQed, swam in the sea (once in the morning, later in the afternoon), built sand castle (or at least tried to build one), played frisbee, and most of all chatted and shared jokes. What's missing was a hammock where I wish I can lay on a hammock with my books. One can also rent bicycle or inline skates or learn how to water ski at a nearby man made lagoon. The first time we came here, it was in the evening. While watching ppl water skiing, myself, Amirul & Alyssa danced our way to the loud music from the Lagoon side cafe. Ppl just shook their heads seeing we did our macarena, egyptian dance & Mc Hammer moves.

The kids enjoyed it so much that they frowned when it was time to go home. Will definitely go back there again, maybe this time we'll camp overnite!

Alyssa is 4!

Last April 19th, we celebrated Alyssa's 4th bday.

It was on Saturday, we invited a few friends (Azmir's colleagues, Amirul's classmates & my friends) over for a BBQ.

Menu:

Ayam percik, Black Pepper Steak, BBQ Chicken Wings, Corn, Roti jala & Chicken Curry & Beehoon goreng.

Amirul & Birthday girl decorating the BBQ pit before the guests arrived.

Alyssa had wish for a Fairy cake and I found this beautiful 3D cake but it costs way too high for a cake (SGD220!). Plus it looks too good to be eaten anyway. So we settled for an affordable one with a printed fairies which looks nice as well. And more importantly, Alyssa was happy nonetheless. See video below how Bday girl couldn't resist licking the cream off the knife!



Not a major bash, but we had great fun. Especially the kids, playing with bubbles & in the swimming pool. Highlight of the evening was Alyssa hitting the pinata 'Spongebob Squarepants' which I made myself. When it was getting too dark for the kids, we continued the party at our apartment till late. It was really fun! We should do this kinda thing often!

Alyssa happy with her bunch of birthday presents. Thank you all for making this day memorable for my girl!

Tok Ayah & Tok Ma's visit

This is a longgggg over due entry. My apology.

Abah & Ma (Azmir's side) came to visit us last Chinese New Year (Feb 2008). It was Ma's first trip to Singapore. Have to admit, I was at my wit's end as to figure out where to bring them in Singapore. Yes Singapore is a great tourist spot, but not a cup of tea for an elderly Malay couple.

We went to Geylang Serai, the only place on this island where one can witness whatever left of Malay culture here. For those who complain about the minority being marginalized in Malaysia, I think they should come here to see what has happen to the culture of Malays here. I will just stop at that, hoping they would some day have the chance to witness for themselves.

Enough politic talks. This is not Malaysiakini.com.

After that we went on a boat ride at Clarke Quay; a typical and a must do for tourist in Singapore. We took a guided boat tour (SGD18 per ticket), and spent 30 minutes cruising along Singapore river while the commentator explained bits & pieces of Singapore history. A worthwhile trip I must say though the heat was a bit unbearable.

We also went to Arab Street, and visited the spectacular Sultan Mosque. It was a nice ambiance along Arab Street pedestrian walk with its street cafes in the evening. But the food & the service at one of the Malay restaurants was so bad, I vowed not to go there again. Why is it like asking the impossible for any Malay Restaurant in the world (or pasar malam, or gerai or warong for that matter) to prepare small change for their customers? It was 8:pm and we spent close to SGD20 for drinks & food, but they had no change for SGD50? We had to scrap the bottom of our pants, my handbag, & even pockets of our kids' to come up with the exact amount to pay! Couldn't they drop by the bank during the day to break some big notes to accomodate their customers? We were also scolded for not ordering the food at the same time we ordered drinks. We ordered drinks first as we were thirsty of the boat ride and long walks and needed for time to think of what to order (it was THAT hard to decide since all on the menu looks soooo UNinviting...)

Well, I hope my parents in law will still come visit us some more despite the not-so-thrill experience in Singapore. It would do much good for both the kids & them to be close to each other.

Singapore 5Cs

Today marks the 90th day we are on this island.

We are still struggling, but it's getting better. Amirul loves his school (he rates it 8 out of 10, compared to his old school; 4). So I can safely cross him out of my worry list. Next on my worry list is Alyssa. She decided not to go to preschool (she used to love school very much). She spends her time home with our maid (yes...I have a maid now. Officially out of the 'SuperMom' club now). She is slowly open up to her and acceptin her as our family member (all her drawings included 'auntie Siti' as her family). In time, I can also cross Alyssa off my worry list.

Left on my worry list:

3. Hubby

4. Myself

There is this joke people make about Singaporeans being obsessed with 5 Cs namely; Car, Condo, Credit Card, Country Club...and I forgot what's the other C. Anyway, I have come up with my own 5 Cs to describe Singapore (no pun intended), after spending 90 days here:

1. Clean

I have done quite a bit of traveling to all continents; but rarely I found big cities as clean as Singapore. Even the trees seemed to be disciplined not to simply shed its leaves. Everywhere seem very neat and tidy..very pleasing to the eyes.

2. Convinient

Eventhough we can't afford a car, relying on public transportation is not a hassle at all (except when it rains heavily). They are prompt and dedicated lanes for busses which ensure you can plan your timing well.

3. Crowded

I have always regard myself as a 'people person'; the kind love to be surrounded by people. I stand corrected; people suffocate me! There is just simply too many people here. We stop going to malls all together since shopping on weekends is like shoving your way thru people in Mecca during Hajj. Seriously, it is really that crowded. Dining is also a chore since there's no way you can eat in peace while having people waiting next to your table, waiting for you to finish gobble up your food. And I heard they are aiming at adding another 2 million to the population...where on earth do they plan to put these people?

4. Cash Converter

It's money!money!money! here.... Our water bills come with 30% consumption tax plus some other kind of 'fee'. Monthly levy for the maid is $265 per month to the government, on top of her $350 salary. Goods & Service tax is 7%. They just announced to raise the electricity charge by 7%, and soon water will be raised too. Taxi fare just raised up last month.

5. Competitive a.k.a Ciasu/Kiasu

I never really know what Kiasu means, until I am here. Competitive is healthy as long as you keep it within context. We are strunggling to adapt to this 'me' first mentality when we are so used to Penang's 'we' mentality. Scarcity mentality (there is only so much for us) is very apparent here; hence people are generally insecured and skeptic. Even when I volunteer to help out with the school activities, my intention was received with very much skeptism as if I was trying to sell them things.

Singapore: a family friendly place?

What a relief it was when I stumbled across the following blog by chance. Over the past 2 months I'm here in Singapore, I have been complaining a lot, if not out loud, at least to my own self. Complaining is bad for you since it drains emotion, and it makes one feels hopeless and helpless. I cannot afford this unnecessary stress on top of my other concerns that needed my immediate attention. But most of the time i succumb to the stimulus...even though I do know better. sigh.

I will share later some of my unpleasant experience here later, but for now I just want to share this mom's experience in her own motherland; Singapore. The writer seems to have travelled a lot; Egypt and 5 years in Germany. Interesting story for mums, I must say. Especially when she described so well what I am going thru right now. It makes me think though, am I the one being schizophrenic as a result of culture shock, or is it the reality of Singapore?

here is an excerpt from the blog I mentioned:

Sunday, September 09, 2007

City Not for Children

..... Singapore is not a bed of roses either. The family is great, just being around familiarity is great. I feel most productive around here and immediately created something for me to do. However, being a parent here is another challenge altogether. As I became a mother in Germany, I have gotten used to many convenience there without realising. Coming back here and having to deal with a hasty and self'centred community is without a doubt, the most stressful thing that I have to go through. Just 2 years back, my eldest daughter was facing flat in a children's swimming pool because of a friend's negligience for the longest 10 seconds or so of my life, and no one lifted a finger to help her out even if the nearest person in the pool is less than an armstretch away. And just to prove that this is not just a rare case or misjudegement on my part, history decided to repeat itself with my son this time when he ran away from me and jumped inside the SAME children's pool. And again, the nearest man in the pool just glanced over my boy's body without any intention to help. I was running as fast as I could to save my dear son on the slippery surface of the mosaic tiles, but I can never forget the face that could give a double take at me and at my boy without even trying to help. Exasperated and dissapointed, I had to tell that man off regrettably after pulling my son's wriggling body off the water, "What if that was your son?". He gave me a point blank look.There were many other instances. Pushing prams in this crowded city is another test fit for the a new series to be titled "Survivor Series for Moms". I realised in this city, if you are a mother with whatever number of kids, empathy is the last thing you should expect from its inhabitants. While pushing my heavy european kinderwagon in the mall, I realise people pick up speed on purpose when they are about to cross my way. Deliberately, I waited to see who would stop to give me way in a very narrow passage. Throngs of secondary school children jumped infront of me and did not bother to stop. Finally someone stopped. I looked up to the couple with amusement. Of course they stopped, they are not locals. Of course I thanked them and said "Only non-Singaporeansw will give way", and they smiled as if they understood my predicament.Within a few weeks here, I purchased another smaller, city-friendly buggy hoping that it'll help me through the crowd and public transportations easily. Usually when I'm alone with the children, I will take the cab. But there were times when I am just with one kid, so I attempted a bus ride with Ibni in his buggy. As soon as I got up the bus, the driver snapped at me telling me to fold up the buggy. Well, I didn't because the bus moved immediately after I paid for my fare so it was not convenient to be lifting my one year old and folding buggies. I found a place near the window that I could conveniently park the buggy and stood next to it. It wasn't in the way of the main passage so I thought that would be allright until my stop, which is less than 5. The bus driver was not happy. He made it very clear. He made a call on his walkie talkie and complained about "a woman with her baby" in Mandarin. Unfortunately for him, I can understand fairly bit of Mandarin and the glances and stares from the other passengers in the bus was too obvious to ignore. I looked up at the ads in the bus for any signs or warnings about bringing buggies up in the bus, but saw none. I am convinced I wasn't breaking any law or deserved any fine(s). I was just irritating him because I did not fold up my buggy. I bet he was thinking of my safety and my child's when he stupidly gave that order. I called up the Singapore Bus Services customer service and lodged a complain. How can the Singapore goverment expects families to have more kids when travelling with them is such a nightmare? Being humiliated by a bus driver infront of passengers is not my idea of a smooth bus ride.Oh it didn't end yet. The last place on earth that I would expect a horrible treatment to mothers and children would have to stop at the mosque. Again I brought my son to the mosque to attend a talk by an ulama from United States at the Masjid Aleem Sidiqque in Telok Kurau Lorong K. In an email that I got, it states that the talk will start at 7.30pm. However, this was not so. The talk started very late, it was at least 9.00pm when it started. The audio was very bad on the women's side and we almost couldn't hear anything, it didn't help that the ulama is pretty soft spoken. Ibni wasn't even crying but merely making some baby talks, like he was doing since we were there. But suddenly when the talk starts, almost everyone synchronized a loud "SSSSHHHHHHH" at him and at any children making noises. They also turned around in a very deliberate way to make mothers even more uncomfortable everytime a child is heard. Instead of asking the mosque management to turn up the volume (it was at 2, and the maximum was like 40..? ) of the lcd tv hanging over the room, they asked instead for the impossible - for children to hush up. One lady did not have any patience for children it seems, as I was nervously unbuttoning trying to quiet ibni down (who seems to be in a talkative mood that evening) by feeding him, she simply told me to bring him outside. At that point, I must have lost all my patience with inconsiderate and unsympathetic children haters and said "Can you be a little bit patient? He is a child. And even the Prophet Muhammad (saw) was kind and understanding to children!". With that remark, she moved elsewhere and I never saw her again for the next few hours. I am at the mosque for the first time since I here but the experience was bitter and needless to say, I may have to stay away from the mosque if I'm with my kids. So mothers and children could never visit mosques? Why does being a mother feels like a punishment?What have become of our society? Why the lack of tolerance? Where is the compassion? It saddens me to think that total strangers were more willing to help a hejabi with her children, lifting up the prams inside the train or carrying it for me when I meet a flight of staircase in a foreign land where I always get understanding glances instead of accusitive ones. In fact, I never felt more accepted in Germany than I when I was without them (the children). With my children around me, I connect easily with other parents, break into a conversation and am happy when strangers play with my children or when they stop to admire them for their skin colour. My kids are also used to getting freebies and sweets at restaurants and shops when I pay them a visit. Binti will always get a free banana when I make my purchases at the vegetable vendor near our house in Forchheim. We have had our neighbours trusting us with their kids in our houses eventhough we just met. They are always time to exchange greetings everytime you meet and part.It's strange when you have to say, you're a stranger in your own land, eh?

Hari Raya AidilAdha

It didn't really hit me, the sadness of celebrating raya away from my family that is...until I play on the takbir raya from the internet, on the eve of Hari raya. This year it falls on Thursday, and since we have just started working, hubby and myself can't take friday off. So no home trip for this hari raya for us. A first raya without grandparents & cousins for the kids.

We woke up early, getting ourselves ready for the big day. Ayah printed out a list of 'Sembahyang Hari Raya Korban schedule' from MUIS (Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura) website. Almost all masjids in our vicinity started the prayer at 7:30 or 8:00am. After a quick breakfast of ketupat & rendang (out of a box since I can't find kerisik at the local market), we rushed out to catch a cab.

Below some snap shots of the kids on the way to Sembahyang Raya.

Amirul joked that 'this makcik' is upset since she missed her bus to 'balik kampung'

Yea! We got a taxi...

Since we were late (as usual), we missed the prayers at the mosque, we only managed to catch the prayers at the kolong (common area underneath HDB flats). Which is a blessing since we welcome the new expereince.We arrived just in time for the prayers.

Below: Alyssa keeping herself occupied while waiting for Ayah & Abang. she's pretending to be a pirate.

After prayers, we were kinda lost. All dressed up but no where to go. We headed to the nearest bus stop to figure out where to go. Alyssa desperately wanted to go to someone's house to celebrate Hari raya as we normally did, but we don't know of any Malays here. To ease her pressing need to celebrate, I let her greet all the Malays she could find at the Bus stop. It was pretty funny and cute. You can watch the video below, my apology for shooting it at a weird angle; didn't plan to take video at first.



"selamat ali laye....selamat ali laye..."










After Alyssa's performance at the bus stop, we decided to go do what other KL people normally do on their Hari Raya Haji afternoons - go to IKEA.

YEAH! YEAh! Dapat raya... Alyssa is delighted nonetheless....

School Hunting

I am 'working' from home today, since the nursery is on half day due to Xmas eve. I really don't think it's worth the trouble to go thru my work-day morning routine, when I have to rush back at lunch time to pick them up. What work-day morning rush routine? oh...see below:

7:00am: Iron shirts

7:20am: Cook breakfast

7:30am: Wake (a.k.a fight) the kids up

7:40am: Feed them breakfast; entice them with Playhouse Disney channel

7:45am: Shower

8:00am: Put (a.k. fight) the kids thru shower

8:15am: Get the kids ready

8:20am: Starting the journey to school (a.k.a fighting). Standard interrogation questions I have to answer to get them to the front door, included:

"Why do we have to go to school?'

"Why do you have to work?"

"Why can't I stay home all by myself?"

"What time will you be picking us up later"

"You do know the fact that I hate that school, do you mummy?"

By this time, Alyssa is frustrated with the answers I gave during the interrogation, and expressed it in her normal crying (more of shrieking) and refusing to walk. So I have to carry her, while Amirul tagging behind with a trolley full of bags.

8:35am: Reached nursery, with me panting like a dog, and sweating like a pig, having to carry 14kg sweet, highly spirited daughter of mine. Not after an emotional, tugging at my wet from tears blouse, an even higher pitch of shrieking, I gave both of them a big kiss on each cheek and my usual "I love you, have fun sweetie. I will be back as soon as I can".

And that, my friend is my work-day routine.

See below a typical day of a typical Alyssa: EVRYTHING to her is a toy... even the MRT pole.

Alyssa and Amirul hate the nursery. After a week there, Alyssa asked "How does your boss speak to you, mummy?". I was quite unsure how to answer so I asked "What do you mean?" Alyssa explained "Is she angry or happy when she speaks to you?" I asked her why does she need to know. This is her answer "Everybody at school is so angry all the time. I didn't do any ting wrong, but they are still angry. Why is everybody here so angry, mummy?" For those of you who knows Alyssa, this kind of frankness is not a surprise. In fact it's her 2nd nature.

Angry, by her definition is unfriendly or stressed out. I think the local term is kanchong. People here (relative to Penangites) are more stressed out as a result of high pace city life, I suppose. People have low tolerance level and normally speak at a high pitch, though they mean no harm. No wonder majority of my colleagues have more grey hair than my mom even though they about my age. Of course there are other pre-school which are good and have less fierce teachers; but they are both far (unless we have our own car) and unaffordable (SGD 1000 per month at least). Alyssa will have to make do with what we can afford at this moment., I guess.

"Why people here are angry all the time?"

(p/s: shot taken by Amirul)

Last Saturday was Amirul's orientation day at North Vista Primary School. We finally managed to get him a place in public school after weeks of being on the waiting list. When we registered him in early November, we went to 3 public schools & 2 private schools but only managed to be on their waiting lists. Amirul is dragon boy, (born in yr 2000) hence the limited place in Primary 2. Because of this we have decided to repeat primary1 for him to ensure placement. Besides, Singapore curriculum is 'supposedly' more advance than Msian so chances are he won't get bored. We also foresee that socialization would be a big challenge for him, so don't want to pressure him to catch up with the primary 2 syllabus. Below are some shots taken on his orientation day.

Amirul staring into his future, infront of the school's hall

Below: Amirul with his new classmates

The view of new HDB Flats in front of Amirul's school: North Vista Primary

The most important issue to address when you visit any school for the 1st time: its TOILET!! We're happy to see how clean (of course, it's still new) the toilet is. Low sinks & bowl for the children. And the last cubicle even has a water tap! What a relief! Though we have been here for over a month, having our *&^%^% cleaned without water is still a major no-no. Call us 'toilet-paper-phobic' if you like, but Amirul is going to bring a 'cebuk/gayung' to school!

Apartment Hunting

Looking for good and affordable place to stay in Singapore, is like looking for a parking space in Suria KLCC on a weekend! It depends entirely on your luck of the day.

Thank goodness, my employer is kind enough to give us a serviced 3-bedroom apartment (see attached pictures) for the 1st month while we look for a permanent dwelling. The kids loved the serviced apartment so much since it has a swimming pool, nice playground and most importantly it's right above a shopping mall which has a 24-hours McD outlet. If only we can afford to set aside SGD5K a month to rent this place, that would save us a lot of headache on apartment hunting.

Alyssa inspecting (a.k.a keypohcheeing) the place.

The views taken from our serviced apartment (temporary heaven).

I have collected many interesting stories along my journey of apartment hunting. But I feel that this story of a friend, tops all of my stories combined.

My friend is single professional male. He rented a master bedroom of an HDB flat. The owner, an old local guy, lives right in the living room. My friend thought this should be okay considering the rental is quite cheap. He went away on business and came back a week later, only to find the living room is now divided into 3 smaller rooms, enough to place a single bed in each partition. Wait... that is not the climax of the story (you'll see later, why I used the word climax). One nite, when my friend came home, the owner knocked on his door "Eh! You don't come out ah!. If you hear anything funny, just pretend you don't hear anything ar...". Then it hits my friend, the landlord rents out the partition room by the hour! I guess it's his way to boost Singapore tourism industry, especially for those having a transit from Bangkok.

Finally, after being able to differentiate from a genuine "immaculate condition" & "tastefully renovated" to the sugar-frosted advertisement in the paper, we found a place which we can tolerate, though have to fork out a good SGD500/mth more than our original budget!!! I just have to make do without facial & spa treatment for a while, I guess. *sigh*.

Our place is quite a distant from the MRT, but close by to a bus stop. I have to take 2 buses to work, which takes up about an hour of travelling time each way. With a car, I can easily arrive at work in less than 15 min. But with public bus, I just have to get used to getting up early in order to be in the office on time. And not to forget the walking up and down TWO cross-over bridges.

Below are the summary of certain terms which Singaporean used which might be misleading to foreigners (like me):

1. Within walking distance (...to MRT, bus stop, eataries, etc)

- This should mean a good 1/4 mile for sure! For me, it reads as "within walking distance far enough to make you sweat like a pig!"

2. Breathtaking view

- This means a good view of what your neighbours from across the building are doing. The HDB are so closely located to each other that you need not go to the movie to enjoy a good live 'drama'.

3. SGDxxxx/mth only

- This is just the rent. You have to pay extra close to SGD100/mth for parking, and some other charges which I am not familiar enough to write here. Oh yes, TV/radio license is SGD110/year!! And the moment you signed the tenancy agreement, please set a side a good SGD2K for all the deposit for gas, power, water, cable TV, internet, access cards, and what ever mak nenek that is required. The terms "nothing comes free" is under-rated here.

4. Fully furnished

- This simply means 'please be ready to accept the following:

1. a run down mismatched sofa (you'd be lucky to have PVC instead of a dust mite infected fabric sofa.'

2. some closets with missing drawers or doors

3. 80's themed bedroom sets

But hey...if it matches your taste, or you are not as fussy as this writer, what the heck!

Now that we have found our nest, time for furniture shopping (since it's an unfurnished unit). So far we have had 2 trips down to Ikea. It's a good I brought M'sia Ikea's catalogue, so that we can compare side by side its cost in RM vs. SGP.

ARGH!!! another headache!

In The 1st Week

Phew! It has been a hectic month for us all. And it's still not over yet...

First of all, I want to apologize for not writing for a while, some of you might be wondering how we are coping with our new lives in Singapore. I must thank each and every one of you for all your prayers and best wishes, without which our transition could have been a lot worse.

This is our 3rd week in Singapore, still struggling to adjust. Though I did expect it to be difficult, never expected Singapore to be too different from Malaysia. For knowledge sharing purpose, I will start by describing the effects of the new life from our family's perspective.

Amirul (7 y.o son): His biggest challenge would be losing the privilege of having our own car and having to rely on public transportation. He is a highly sensitive child, hence gets motion sickness easily. In Singapore, in order to get from point A to point B, we have to wait for the bus, board the bus to MRT station, wait fro MRT, board the MRT, wait for taxi, board the taxi, and one Sunday night we had to wait for over 30 minutes for a taxi, we decided to do a tourist thing and take a trishaw ride which had cost us SGD$25.

Amirul has to also train his self-control against the all around temptation. It'll be weird not to see any school children without an earpiece (connected to iPod or MP3 player) and a PSP. Evertime we hit the mall, there's a longing in his eyes for that SGD$99.99 Optimus Prime transformable action figure. He understood the fact that we have yet to get our Singapore dollar salary, hence we need to be thrifty on our spending. I hope this delaying gratification exercise would help him build his character.

Alyssa (3 y.o 'constantly on the move, shut up only when sleeping' girl): She is also affected by the losing of privilege of a private transfortation, but in a different manner. Since we've never taken a ride on a stranger's car (i.e taxi) when we were in Penang, whenever we board a taxi here, she insist to know the taxi driver's name. "He is Uncle what, mummy?". She is also having trouble restraining herself of doing her 'private' activities on the public transportation: like singing her favorite tune at an annoyingly high pitch, picking her nose or pick a fight with Abang (elder bro). Restraining her from buying any toys is a mission impossible for us since unlike her brother, she doesn't understand the currency exchange rate. So we make sure we don't pass by Toys 'R Us, but only a 'less than SGD5' toy stores. Last weekend we boarded a fully loaded MRT, where we had to share a pole with many strangers. Inheriting straight talking talent from me, Alyssa bluntly and loudly made a comment "mummy! it stinks here!" referring to the mixed aroma of various bodily fluid from all the people. I was still in panic mode when she immediately point her 2-inch fore-finger to the lady in front of me and said "Is it you, Auntie? Why are you so smelly?" ....Goodness! One can only imagine my embarassment. I felt like taking her away from the crowd but we couldn't move even an inch...I have no way to hide my face so I had no choice but to apologize profusely to the lady.

Ayah (33 y.o ): The toughtest thing for Ayah would have to be having no privilege to smoke at will. Unlike M'sia, there are more 'no smoking' places than 'yes smoking'. Not to mention a pack of Dunhill costs SGD11, that's a staggering RM25!! For that same amount of money, one can buy 6 packs in M'sia.

Ummi (33 y.o): Well... First of all I MISS DRIVING!!! Second of all I MISS MY HIGH-HEELS!!! It's almost impossible to avoid backache having to stand on a 3 inch high heels in a crowded bus/mrt. So I have to leave my high heels in Penang and invest in a very good walking shoes.

Next chapter: Apartment & school hunting in Singapore...stay tuned!